The One About Never Pissing Off A Writer…

Tomorrow starts NaNoWriMo. I’m really looking forward to it – I’ve even gone out and purchased a plastic viking helmet for the occasion.

In anticipation, I’ve been going over the outline again for the planned project, which will be the second novel in my Triangle series, titled Triangle: Tarot. One of the fun things about this phase of the outlining is the chance to put some extra polish on some characters… specifically, villains, major and minor.

And why would that matter, you might ask? Well…

There is a saying – Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.  For the modern novelist, the corollary is simply this:

Never piss off a writer, for he will put you in his book, make you a character that readers despise and murder you in a horrible way.

Luckily, over the past year, I haven’t had a shortage of people who have wanted to appear in my book this way. Recently, three very good candidates lined themselves up quite nicely  for the honor.

And the best part? In my experience, I really don’t have to “work” to make a person into a despicable, unlikable character. All I have to do is observe for a bit, then describe and write the person exactly as they are, using their own words and actions (or a close facsimile).

Of course, there is a flip side. Nice people might show up as well – or at least get a mention somewhere…

So consider this a cautionary tale. You could end up falling through a skylight down a five story staircase, or choking to death with a broken windpipe, or impaled on a rusted pipe, or half dissolved by a fusion reaction, or falling through the glass floor of the world’s second tallest building, or eaten from the inside by nanite technology.

I have a very vivid imagination in this regard.

About D. G. Speirs

D.G. Speirs is a storyteller, novelist and voice actor living in central Florida. He keeps searching for better stories to tell, even if he has to make them up himself. His latest novel, TRIANGLE: WILDCARD, is now available on Amazon.com.
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